The end of something pushes you to see past it, towards the endless possibilities. What else could I manifest, what else can i experience, succeed at, accomplish and fail all in one beautiful year. Keeping in mind we're not promised tomorrow what steps would i ensure i took into 2010? What couldn't i live with out saying, who would i regret not seeing, who's voice couldn't i go without hearing? All these things rush through our heads in a blazing attempt to grasp the reality of time. Of consist change, that's a funny concept CONSISTENT CHANGE! Wow! Life is a continual flow of ups and downs, we must ride the current and follow the water's lead. Stop being so damn mad at everything and wasting time trying to swim against it. Now, I do not mean sit back and take everything that comes your way and deal with it. Change is possible even while swimming downstream. I believe children are wonderful windows into the stream of life. God they know how to flow. Don't they? Watch one, really pay attention as they play in a new setting, try different things, fall and get up, move from class to class, year to year, new friends, new bodies, new expectations. As children we did not question the flow of the universe, we did not check out every time we graduated or someone moved away. Kids ride the ride. They do express their feelings (hopefully) they do throw a few tantrums, but damn they are champs at the end of the day dealing with change. You would think at 29, 33, 50 years old we'd understand the stream a little more, we'd trust the presence of something bigger at work, and we'd get to know the ability within that allows us to shift the direction with out tipping the boat. You don't always got to fall head first my love, you can control how hard the water moves you can even control other boats around you from directly affecting your speed or destination. You can enjoy the ride and know with out a doubt, you are incredible, filled with purpose and possibility and can literally do anything.

This is not about love…

Im as good as my best instinct, and well I have failed me recently
We all have that road block that giant in the rearview, seems like no matter where or how far you get it keeps following you. Well, I have mine, my thorn is him. He followed me through growth and triumph, this thing I knew didn’t fit, or fill a purpose, kept a hold of me or I him. Either way it never went too far and then smack damn we’re in this mess we call a relationship, a life, a love. It’s one of the most selfish things I’ve ever been apart of. Simultaniously raising my vibration, reaching for more, for the stars, I was tangled in this repetitive flu like bond. First I would notice a little sniffle, small symptoms, but you could tell something didn’t feel right, then a headache, fever, full on body ache, you get it… it started to HURT! This went on for almost three years. Suffered from the same virus, Selfishness wouldn’t let go of me. He called it different things, said sorry for each term, each time. He was always what I wanted even if I had the world in my hands, I spilled full cups of progress many times to take his.
Im as good as my best instinct, RUN.
So here I am miles and miles away from this cycle, hiding out where it can’t find me. Im restoring my faith in myself and soon I’ll come out and join the rest of you in this battle to be better. I hold on to all the truths this body holds, the way we know what we know if we would just quiet ourselves and listen. If you feel sick, hurt or sad, RUN. If it makes you small, weak, less, RUN. If it asks you to settle, RUN.
Everything you need to know is in your eyelids. Close your eyes read your body, it’ll speak. You know what’s right, and we sure as hell know what’s wrong!

Time to Move

There is a movement, a stir on the planet. A new breed of humans, living among us, superseding age, ethnicity, sexual preference, surpassing all genres and discriminative categories, these people live out loud,they don't check boxes, they don't fit in, they live in full color, use the full capacity of their hearts, imaginations, and minds. From a three year old who genuinely wants you to know that he loves you so he tells you every 30minutes of the day. From and eight year old who feels the pain of others so much she hands a young woman her $5.00 allowance after hearing the woman's tears of being broke again. What we call children are so much more. They push and pull us "adults" to see ourselves, our situations, they are mirrors and beautiful reflections of the innocence the world still carries. This movement is big, it makes a young man choose to dream of changing his circumstance, focused he creates a new plan, a new outlook, looks around at the world he has conceived, and finds reasons to be proud. Women are radiant lights among a persistent gloom. I've seen women who stand taller when beaten down, women who were told they were dumb pursing a PH.D! Women who were taught to stay small rise to the heavens!!! Get excited, feel that stir, you are so damn BIG, so amazing. You are, I am, the movement. Our breed does not judge, does not fail, does not gripe, does not kill or destroy anything given by god. We are a people in the process of rebuilding castles...

the happy ending is in each ones grasp, just reach.

Endless Possibilities

The Possibilities are endless

I heard this today with so many other amazing words the world spoke ... it whispered "don't just be a river be an ocean" it yelled "LET GO" it spoke to so many parts of me today... however I'll focus on "the possibilities are endless"

It kind of sounds like those crystal ball answers, you know the ones where the answer seems to be interchangeable, safe, not clear at all... although if we look closer

THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS

the truth is we're always searching for a definite left or right, we beg of our friends and our family for advice, opinions, something to help us determine what we want. The reason this statement seems like it can go either way is because that is the beauty of life. Decisions, directions all lead us somewhere,anywhere, everywhere. Even when we decide later that that is not the place we want to be anymore, we must acknowledge that we once made a decision based on our desire. It was not always the worst mistake you ever made! We have to come to place in life where regret does not exist, and I know that sounds crazy, but it's possible! The possibilities are indeed endless once you trust yourself. You can go, become, experience, succeed, win, complete, conquer, anything, everything! Just as easy as it is to fail, fall, fuck up if you will. Why do we focus on how easy it will be for us to choose incorrectly, and what if we erase the option to fail completely from our list.

AGAPE the highest and purest form of love, one that surpasses all other types of affection

We're all searching for answers, for clarification... we all want to know what to do next. If only we could sit still enough to hear the earth speak its intuitive truth. If your quiet your next move is stirring inside of you as I speak. You can rely on god's amazing creations to guide you. The earth, its inhabitants, us (our divine right to power, will, and magic) all are enough to make your next move. Trust yourself.

To do that, I realize there's something very necessary that has to take place first, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF! That way you'll be sure to treat yourself right and make decisions that are best for you, you know (do i let him back in, do i quit, do i deserve to be happy at any cost) etc..! It starts in the heart. It starts inside. It starts with your life, you valuing your rare beat, your one of kind soul.

**********************************************************

So here goes close your eyes, gather yourself, bring the real you to the surface, shut down all the right things you say ..what your wearing... that perfect smile...the 9-5 persona, and say hello to you. You... the raw thoughts, insecurities, worries, fear, mistake prone self. Okay so that's me ... here I am ugly, real, flawed, funny, lonely, indecisive, different, brave, tired, oh this list is exhausting but it goes on.... and yours will too. Bring yourself to face you, then say, "I LOVE YOU", do that as many times a day as you can (especially when you don't mean it) repetition is an amazing tool at creating a new mentality let it stick like a fly tune you heard on the radio. You are the sweetest lyrics god has ever written. Remember yourself, the real you and hold her, forgive her (as much as you forgive everyone around you) get to know her and allow this new relationship to take priority above all other relationships (i know how hard this will be). Understand this, falling in love with yourself will change everything, what you want is buried beneath all those presumed notions that society, circumstance, and self hate have created for us. What I know is I make better decisions, am less afraid, and draw "positive" attention now that I've put my relationship with myself above any other. It's a daily exercise like stretching the more you do it the farther you can go, IMAGINE THAT! Stretch yourself! Reach in, develop who you've hidden away, be better to yourself, things will line up once you know yourself and love you.

One last thing as corny as it sounds this makes perfect sense.

We are born needing one thing innately we want love,then as we get older we let things get complicated, our lists of wants and needs run on and on and still we are missing something, guess what that is... GO BACK TO THE BASICS, LOVE.

Muchness

did you ever walk by a mirror and not recognize yourself
who is this beaten image of the woman i was
i am
i used to be
so i broke the glass
with my bare hand
i tore that battered ass reflection
from the very flesh i have been given
i decided not to look at her again
not to be her again
not to do it all over again
and again
and again

A Letter to My Father

God, some say we shouldnt speak directly to you, they say your a King and should be revered as one. My question is why do I want to run to you, underneath your arms, why do I want to call you Papa and have you smile down at me like a father would at his daughter. Why do I feel connected to you, in all things, the breeze passes me and before leaving grabs me and hugs me quickly and fervently, it's you I feel. Some say you dont speak directly to us, and all that you say is in the word published 2000 years ago. Why then do I hear you? My son and I lay face to face and he at 3years old reaches out and touches my face and says Mommy Im so glad your here, I hear you! At night when things are quiet and no one is calling and Im still, alone, in the middle of my apartment, you whisper "todays complete". No matter what they say you are everything!
Your Daughter
Lles